Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a Christian man has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) Don’t you wives realise that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realise that your wives might be saved because of you?
1 Corinthians 7:12-16
Add to this advice that which Paul says in 2 Cor 6:14-15
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?
2 Corinthians 6:14-15
We will revisit the verses used from 2nd Corinthians when we get to that chapter again but for the moment suffice to use them to bring balance to this section in 1 Corinthians 7. We are faced with a similar situation to the marrying // not marrying advice. On the one hand don’t be unequally yoked with non-believers but on the other hand continuing living with them; do it for the sake of your kids and realise that your spouse may be saved because of you. What is Paul on about? It all seems so confusing.
Let me add my thoughts which I hope will bring some clarity. Again these thoughts come from personal experience viewed from the other side of the fence. Allow me to share my experience first and then add my summary conclusions.
Before Tania and I first met Tania used to pray that God would show her that He was real and that He would show her who to marry. For some reason she always put those two prayers together and prayed them for a number of years. After our first date she told her sister when she got home that “he is the guy I am going to marry”. And she also had the sense that God was real. The uncanny thing about all that was that I was an atheist. There had been no talk that night of spiritual things or God. In fact if there had been I would have run a mile. But still Tania had a conviction on both of the things she had been praying about. Amazing. We went out for two and half years before getting engaged. Soon after buying the ring I noticed that Tania was not wearing it. When I asked her about it she told me “I read a Bible verse the other night that tells me I can’t marry you unless you are a Christian.” The verse of course was 2 Cor 6:14. I know it well. It messed up my life. Well in truth it turned my life the right way up. My response to Tania’s ultimatum? “Ok, then give me the ring. I am leaving. There is no way I am becoming a Christian.” I won’t share our full story on this until we get to the Gem for 2 Cor 6:14. Sorry continuing story in a number of weeks.
For me the strength of 2 Cor 6:14 is for those times before one has married the non Christian. This comment is coming from one who was on the other side of the fence. The other verses are clearly set in the context of already being married to a non-Christian. There are a number of scenarios being addressed within these verses. But before we get to that let’s consider also the overall nature of Paul’s comments. On the one hand don’t marry a non-believer. But if you do, stick with them for their sake and for the sake of the children, so they might be won to the Lord by your love and your witness. Now that is not hard to work out is it?
I think Paul is also addressing two sets of people. There are those who are deciding to marry and working out who to marry. (The reason for Tania’s prayers way back then.) When choosing someone to marry you can’t overlook Paul’s advice not to marry a non-believer. Marrying a non-believer sets you on different life directions right from the start. It is hard enough moulding two lives into one. To willingly and knowingly marry a non-believer is to knowingly add complication to your marriage.
The second set of people Paul addresses are those who are already married to non-believers. In other words the conversion happened after they were married (or because of some other scenario). A couple started out being non-believers but then one changed and became a believer. What to do in those situations? Paul says hang in there. If the non-believer wishes to leave then allow them to do so. That has happened to one of Tania’s sisters. She became a believer and her husband no longer wished to be married to her so they parted. But if the non-believing spouse is willing to stay then you must not leave them for religious reasons. [Ha ha I used the joke on divorcing for religious reasons a couple of days too soon. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t.]
It is all very simple and logical really. But when love gets in the way nothing is logical. And sometimes Paul’s thought appears convoluted which makes it harder to pick apart the pieces. I hope these Gems are helping. More importantly I hope I am inspiring you to dig on your own; find out for yourselves the meaning and the depth of Scripture. Don’t give up. Always look for the connectedness. Not one word in the Bible is used unnecessarily.
Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.
Barnett R. Brickner
Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.
James C. Dobson
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
Stephen Leacock