Believe me I know about this from personal experience. We have been living for the last forty years dependent on God’s people for our financial supply. It is called “living by faith” in some circles. It’s something the banks and the tax departments don’t know much about. It is not normal. Try going to the bank and asking for a loan to buy a house when you don’t have a salaried position and therefore can’t give the bank a guarantee of where your next pay cheque is coming from. It is a puzzle to them and at times to us. I think all of us would avoid being in that situation if we could. My mind goes back to the worst time I felt the shame of not being able to provide for myself and my family. We were at Bible College at a time when I had given up my teaching job in order to follow the Lord. (I had truly left my nets behind). Our church and friends gave to us in order to support us in the work. But we could never tell when exactly it would happen and so had to rely on God’s grace and provision to meet our needs. It was a new experience. A new feeling of dependency that I had not known before having always been the breadwinner in the family. Then it got worse.
During one Christmas holiday period while at Bible College we needed to go do a training course with Wycliffe for which there was a charge of several hundred dollars. I considered the natural thing would be to get a job in the holiday period to earn money to cover the expenses for this course we had to do. So I started considering where to apply for jobs. I asked at the Bible College first and found they were doing a repaint of the college and were hiring people to paint. I had worked for a professional painting firm before in my university years. It was perfect. But then God said “Now to someone who works, wages are not considered a gift but an obligation. However, to someone who does not work, but simply believes in the one who justifies the ungodly, his faith is credited as righteousness.” from the verses in Roman 4:4-5. It was like it leapt off the page at me and spoke to my heart. It was not a matter of me running around trying to earn the money for this course. God would take care of it. I had to rest in His provision. I felt I was not to get a job but to trust Him to provide the money for the course. I was to concentrate my time in the study that I was there to do. But everyday guys could come to our flat to paint and ask what I was doing in this holiday period. It was like the message of guilt related to not being able to provide for my needs was thrust into me like a knife every day and then the knife was twisted. I could only do what my heart told me God was saying to me. Not to get a job and learn a lesson of how He provides. But every day for two weeks that was challenged. And every day people from the painting gang came to my flat and I felt wondered why I was “slacking around” not working as a painter.
At the end of the two weeks, God’s provision came in the form of an unexpected gift that was perfectly timed and covered the costs for the course and more. But along with the money came a huge lesson from God as to what it means to trust Him and not rely on my own ability to be able to provide for myself and my needs. I learned in that time the secret of being content in plenty and in lack. (Phil 4:12) I am sure the disciples were going through this same lesson during this period of time. It sure teaches the disciple to learn the difference between being truly dependent on Him and still relying on our efforts to make it work. This was not some lesson of the treasures of heaven in future, “Pie in the sky by and by.” This was the realities of learning to trust Him in every way and not relying on your own insight. (Prov 3:5-6)